How Long Should You Date Before Making It Official?

Adrianna Dela Torre
5 min readJul 12, 2021

To ask or not to ask, that is the question.

You’ve been seeing and dating this girl for quite some time now, so it’s only natural to question whether it’s the right time to ask and make your relationship official.

You might be asking yourself, “Is it the right time to ask her? Have we dated enough? How long and how much is enough?”

It’s normal to feel hesitant and nervous, but you need to stop and relax.

To tell you the truth, there are no hard and fast rules on how long you should wait before making your relationship official.

Some men ask the question after a good first date. Some ask on the second, third, and even fourth date. It wholly depends on how strong your feelings are towards her and your level of courage.

One thing’s for sure, when you do decide it’s the right time, you’ll need to pull her aside and have the talk — have a sit-down and discuss the possibility of being in a proper relationship.

The Talk: Defining the Relationship

The “what are we” phase in dating is a confusing and, at times, frustrating place to be. You want to move forward, but you’re not sure if she feels the same way.

You’re reluctant to ask because you don’t want to ruin what you have. Well, we’re here to tell you that you need to do it. It’s the only way to find out whether you’re on the same page.

You can’t avoid or put it on hold forever. Having the talk is an unavoidable step before making it official. It will give you the clarity and validation you need. It will give you the extra push to finally start a serious, committed, and monogamous relationship with this girl.

If you wait too long, you’ll jeopardize your chances of having a future with her.

A recent study conducted by EdenFantasys revealed that those who waited too long to put a label on their relationship caused their prospective partners to go and hook up with someone else.

That being said, you don’t have an excuse. Either you say it now and she’ll react favorably or you wait until she moves on to greener pastures.

Signs You’re Ready to Make It Official

Before having the talk and asking her the big question, you need to re-evaluate your relationship first. Ask yourself if you’re truly ready to be in a proper relationship with this girl.

To make things easier, here are a few positive signs that tell you’re ready to be in a committed relationship with her:

1. You’ve been exclusively seeing her.

Your head no longer turns to check out other women. You have stopped checking messages from other potential online matches. You might have even decided to delete all the dating apps on your phone so you can focus your attention and time on her (exclusively).

It’s clear, you’re fully committed to her and to building this relationship.

2. You act like you’re already in a committed relationship with her.

You speak and communicate constantly, all day long or whenever you can. You hang out and see each other multiple times a week because seeing each other gives you joy and brings a smile to your face.

Most importantly, you’re able to be yourself when you’re around her. You’re comfortable and you don’t have to try too hard to impress her.

3. You’ve met her family and friends.

We’re not talking about casual bumps and run-ins at the mall or on the street. We’re talking about getting invited to hang out or have dinner at her family home, where she properly introduces you to her friends and family — maybe not as a boyfriend (at least, not yet), but as someone dear to her.

When she does introduce you to them, they all think you’re already an item. Chances are, they already knew your name before you introduced yourself because she’s told them about you. That’s a good sign.

You might just have to skip “the talk” and change your relationship status on Facebook then and there.

4. You’ve casually had talks about a future together.

It’s a clear sign you’re ready to commit when you make future plans together. This can range from planning a weekend getaway next month to talking about marriage, kids, and starting a family. Either way, it means that you see a future with her and you don’t mind it because it’s what you genuinely want.

5. You use “we” and “us.”

Speaking of a future together, you start using “we” and “us” instead of “me” and “I” when making upcoming weekend plans. In other words, she’s become an integral part of your life to the point that you make future plans with her in mind.

6. Your connection surpasses physical attraction.

It’s not just about getting in her pants anymore. It’s more than that. Aside from being attracted to her physically, you’ve also developed an emotional, mental, and spiritual attraction to her.

Your feelings towards her transcend physical attraction. You see her as a beautiful person, not just on the outside, but including the inside.

7. You just feel like it’s the natural next step.

Deep inside, you know that asking her to make your relationship official is the next logical step.

While this might sound cliché, if it feels right, then it must be right. You don’t have to force yourself to do it. Instead, let the words flow through naturally at the right time or whenever you feel like it’s right.

Trust your gut. Every relationship is unique. Every person in a relationship is different.

Some take an instant to click and warm up, others take months, if not years, to figure out their emotions. What matters is that you communicate and make your intentions clear.

It’s better to be honest from the get go so you don’t risk wasting your time.

It’s finally time to ask, “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Our last piece of advice to you is to live in the moment and just do it.

Ask her already.

Tell her how you feel and ask her if she feels the same way. If she feels the same way, that’s great. Otherwise, there are still tons of fish in the sea.



Adrianna Dela Torre

Adrianna is a Professional Matchmaker and Relationship Counselor for